Networking: Which approach is right for you?
Discussing the FORD vs. HEFE approaches so networking can feel effortless for you.
FORD vs. HEFE: Which Networking Approach Works Best?
Networking can feel like an art or an awkward chore, depending on how you approach it. For years, the go-to method for starting conversations was FORD (Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams). Recently, though, some have argued that it is outdated, intrusive, and ineffective. Career coach Dee from MissFitCoaching suggests a new approach: HEFE (Hobbies, Entertainment, Food, Environment), which is designed to spark natural, engaging conversations without the risk of prying into someone’s personal or professional life.
But is FORD really outdated, or does it still have value when used thoughtfully? And is HEFE truly a foolproof method, or can it have its own pitfalls? Let’s break down both approaches, compare their strengths and weaknesses, and help you decide which one fits your networking style best.
The Case for HEFE: Making Networking Feel Effortless
Dee argues that traditional networking conversations often feel like a job interview—stiff, transactional, and personal in a way that makes people uncomfortable. She suggests replacing the usual "What do you do?" with conversations about Hobbies, Entertainment, Food, and Environment.
Here’s why HEFE seems like a winning approach:
Hobbies: Asking about someone's interests outside of work creates a relaxed, no-pressure conversation. Whether they enjoy running marathons or knitting tiny sweaters for their cat, hobbies are an easy way to find common ground.
Entertainment: Movies, books, music, and TV shows provide endless conversation material. People usually love sharing what they are binge-watching or debating whether a recent blockbuster was overrated.
Food: This is a near-universal topic. Everyone eats, and many people enjoy trying new cuisines, swapping restaurant recommendations, or discussing the best way to make a cup of coffee.
Environment: This could be something as simple as complimenting a person’s unique shoes, commenting on the event you are attending together, or making an observation about your surroundings.
The goal of HEFE is to create conversations that feel effortless. Instead of putting someone on the spot with "What are your career goals?", HEFE eases into discussions that are fun, engaging, and lead to organic connection.
The Pitfalls of HEFE
However, HEFE is not always perfect. Not everyone has a favorite TV show, listens to popular music, or is an adventurous foodie. What if you ask "Seen any good movies lately?" and the person replies, "I don’t really watch TV or movies."
Now what? You are left scrambling for a backup question, and suddenly, the "effortless" conversation just got awkward.
Or what if you ask about food, and the other person has dietary restrictions that make the conversation feel exclusionary? A question like "What’s your favorite pizza topping?" does not land the same way with someone who is gluten-free, lactose-intolerant, and not particularly fond of pizza in the first place.
While HEFE can create casual, engaging conversations, it is not always failproof. If the initial question does not land, you need to have a backup plan—pivot to another category, acknowledge the disconnect with humor, or shift the conversation toward them by saying, "Oh, I’d love to hear what you do enjoy!"
The Case for FORD: Tried-and-True Relationship Building
FORD has been around for a long time because it focuses on four topics that tend to reveal what matters most to a person:
Family: Talking about loved ones can create an immediate sense of connection, but it can also feel intrusive if the person prefers to keep their personal life private.
Occupation: People’s jobs are a big part of their identity, but asking about work can sometimes trigger stress, especially if they are between jobs or unhappy in their role.
Recreation: Asking about what someone does for fun taps into their passions and personal interests. This is similar to HEFE’s "Hobbies" category.
Dreams: Discussing goals and aspirations can be inspiring, but it can also feel overwhelming or too personal for an initial conversation.
The beauty of FORD is that it helps uncover shared values and deeper connections, rather than just surface-level commonalities. It can be particularly helpful in professional networking because people expect career-related conversations in those settings.
The Pitfalls of FORD
That said, FORD does have its weaknesses. Some people do not want to talk about their families or their careers right away. Asking "What do you do?" at a networking event can feel like a status check rather than a genuine inquiry. If someone is in between jobs, stuck in an unfulfilling role, or navigating personal challenges, FORD can feel intrusive rather than engaging.
To make FORD less intrusive, consider tweaking the approach:
Instead of "Tell me about your family," try "What’s something fun you did recently with someone you care about?"
Instead of "What do you do for a living?", try "What’s a project you are excited about right now?"
Instead of "What’s your dream job?", try "If you could learn any skill instantly, what would it be?"
This way, you keep the essence of FORD without making people feel like they are being interviewed about their life choices.
So, Which One is Better?
The truth is, neither HEFE nor FORD is perfect. The best networking approach depends on the situation, the setting, and the person you are talking to.
If you are in a more casual setting, HEFE might feel more natural. Discussing entertainment, food, and hobbies can create an easy rapport without making people feel like they are being interrogated.
If you are in a professional setting, FORD (when used thoughtfully) can help you get beyond small talk and into conversations that actually matter. Work, aspirations, and professional experiences shape our lives, and avoiding those topics entirely might mean missing out on valuable connections.
Instead of picking one approach over the other, consider blending the best elements of both.
Start with HEFE to warm up the conversation: "What’s a hobby you wish you had more time for?" or "What’s a great book you have read recently?"
If the conversation naturally flows into FORD territory, follow it: "That’s interesting! How did you get started in that line of work?"
This way, you are not forcing a networking style—you are letting the conversation evolve naturally.
Final Thoughts: Choose What Works for You
Networking is not about rigidly following a script. It is about making genuine connections, whether that starts with a conversation about TV shows or a discussion about career aspirations.
Dee from MissFitCoaching makes a great point about HEFE being a more casual, low-risk way to start a conversation. But FORD still holds value, especially when adapted to be more thoughtful and less intrusive.
At the end of the day, the best networkers are not the ones who memorize acronyms—they are the ones who listen, adapt, and make people feel comfortable.
So, what do you think? Have you had better success with FORD, HEFE, or a mix of both? I would love to hear your thoughts.
Becky Gosky, Founder - Jobity
P.S. Want an audit to see if you are a top candidate for a role and get some potential interview questions (and answers)? I will compare your resume to the job description and give you feedback and suggestions so you can avoid looking unprepared. Remember those interview questions, too. Practice them and be ready for anything they can throw at you. I am running a special for $47 again this month. Quick and painless and putting you ahead. Contact me at becky@beckygosky.com.